“I’ve far outlived my usefulness.” Susan Wiggs, The Lost and Found Bookshop (2020).
Alone
Odd guy I am.
Social nature has not spoilt me.
I long for quietness,
A peaceful music to behold.
I’m judged to be different,
Bear it with stings and bruises.
I grew up not knowing my friends,
Family is all I have!
The Winding Years
Fast and furious,
Slow and methodical,
Depends on how much time I have.
Yet I will never guess the exact date.
Not knowing what to do
Nor what is important.
So I live from day to day
With changing expectations and desires.
The fast lane needs strong conviction and energy.
What do I have to compete?
Why is there a need for great achievements?
Life’s too short not to enjoy it while it lasts.
The winding years have come, if years I have…
The rear view mirror of good and bad memories.
I just sit by the swing in the backyard,
Lazily watching the passage of time.
Twenty Final Steps of Thoughts
At least the sun is out to greet me with a smile. I don’t feel hungry. Somehow my aching bones and muscles slip away. Fear overcomes all my emotions. What is my life like? Such memories to bring comfort and joy… In a little while the unknown mystery is known! My family: Am I good? I am scared of the pain! Invisible faces I see.
God, I will finally get to know you! My legs are weak, my heart beats faster… Is there a better fate than this? Why do I have to exist?
I believe in a cause to die for!
My sins – will I be eternally damned?
The end is near; let me stop from talking silently…
What else is there for me to think and say?
I am not a brave man!
Here, the final step, I accept and rest…
Reflection
I like to sleep forever.
God knows what’s in my heart
Yet He allows me to struggle each day,
Find a reason to live.
Everything is illusory — peace, love,
Suffering, fame or fortune.
When the time comes, I just am.
A blur in the dustbin of family history.