“Ubos, ubos biyaya, mayat maya’y nakatunganga.” From my wife’s collection of Tagalog proverbs.
“The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops.” Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot.
By Rey Moreno
Grace loved her family so much. So at age 17, she decided to look for a job and became the family’s second breadwinner, after her father who worked at the dockyard. Her mother took care of the household chores, with the help of her elder sister and two young brothers whenever they were free from their school work. Grace worked as a legal filing clerk for a small law firm. She was hired as a favour from her uncle’s client who was a law partner. Her uncle had been her boss’s family doctor for quite some time. Her uncle had the tenacity to pursue his medical license and thus became well-off. Grace wanted to emulate him, so she attended college at night, hoping to obtain a nursing certificate.
Three years had gone by when a gossip was buzzing around the law office. Grace overheard one of the girls talked about the new immigration policy of Canada. The country was targeting at least 10,000 applicants from the Philippines to receive a two-year working visa with the opportunity to obtain an immigrant status after two concurrent years of stay in the country. For several weeks, Grace worked on her application, travelling from work to the Canadian embassy and completing all the necessary requirements. A year later, Grace received a letter from the Canadian embassy informing her that she had been selected and must leave the Philippines within six months. In March of the following year, Grace found herself in the window seat of the Philippine Airlines bound for Canada. She was just a nervous-wreck, not only because it was her first time to travel on an airplane, but also because at age 23, her prospect ahead was quite daunting. She found courage that Canada was a welcoming country for foreigners, in spite of its cold weather, and the kababayan she met for her one-way ticket to a land of opportunity.
She found a living accommodation in the Jamestown area, together with three Filipinas whose aspirations matched her own – that is, to have a better life and share whatever fortune she might reap with her family in the Philippines. It was a two-bedroom apartment, large enough to have two more Filipinas share in paying the rent. As they were all seeking for better opportunities in a new land, tolerating each other’s quirks and attitudes was easy. Everything was just bearable.
Grace found a job as a nursing assistant at St. Michael’s Hospital in downtown Toronto. After two years on the job, she decided to continue her nursing studies at night when she found out that the hospital was providing financial assistance for work-related courses. With her meagre salary, Grace still managed to cover her shared expenses and send money to her family in the Philippines.
Due to her strong determination, Grace obtained her nursing certificate after seven years of hard work. Upon graduation, the hospital awarded her with a full-time nursing job, assisting the doctors in the emergency room (ER). This meant a higher salary, too. It’s time for Grace to have her own apartment. She found a one-bedroom apartment near Dundas and Jarvis streets, a walking distance to St. Michael’s. That would allow her to save money which she could send for her family back home. Because she never travelled outside Canada, Grace received her Canadian citizenship without a hitch. All her perseverance and dedication were paying off.
Meanwhile, her family’s situation in the Philippines had turned for the worse. Her father learned to drink and gamble. He even kept a mistress, unbeknownst to everyone. Her elder sister got married, had three children and moved back home after finding out that her husband cheated on her. Her two younger brothers were no better. One got involved with a band performing at night clubs. When there’s no gig, he was at home lazing his time away smoking dope. The youngest, proud of his good looks, was earning enough money hassling gay men. He only came home after being thrown out by his latest victim, only to be away again when he found another target. The mother was the only one holding the family together. She was well-aware of the fragility of her family relationship. So she ensured all the bad news should not reach Grace. When she wrote Grace a letter, she made stories of a family who could stand one another and ever appreciative of the money Grace sent them monthly. She even made a false accounting on how the money was well-spent and of future expenses so that Grace would not stop giving. Her lies put tremendous burden on her conscience until she suffered a stroke. By that unfortunate fate, it guaranteed financial help coming from Grace permanently.
Grace came home for the first time to check on her mother. Every member of her family behaved like angels. They all connived to show a sham loving relationship for Grace’s benefit. But Grace felt something was off in the whole picture. One day while alone with her mother, they started to converse seriously.
“Ma, what’s wrong with everybody? Did they resent me for leaving the family and making a better life in Canada?”
“Anak, we are very fortunate to have you and grateful for your financial help. Without you, we will be mired in poverty. Don’t be overly sensitive. Also, don’t allow your expectations ruin your visit. You’ve been away for so long and your siblings are still adjusting to your presence. Besides, it’s normal to be jealous. Put yourself on their shoes. Would you not feel the same way?”
“You’re right, Ma. You always know what to say. It’s just that I sense something more than a jealousy. But I can’t pinpoint what it is.”
“Rest assured, anak, everybody loves you. You’ve been confined with me for more than two weeks now. Why don’t you relax and see a little bit of the country?”
The country should be safe by now since the Duterte government either imprisoned or extra-judicially eradicated all the small-time drug dealers who were causing addictions and infesting crimes nationwide – though the drug lords had seemingly and inexplicably avoided death and prison. Still it was agreed upon that a member of the family should always accompany her just to be on the safe side. So taking a cue from her mother, Grace booked a 16-day tour, visiting scenic places in Laguna, Bicol and Palawan. She had not seen this picturesque side of the country and quite enjoyed the experience. She wished to come back more often in the future. She would have to accumulate more vacation days and save more money to make that happen. It meant more tightening of the belts.
When Grace informed her family that she must be leaving in a day or two, they breathed a great sigh of relief. The pretence was stressing them, afraid they might break while Grace was still around. Before she left, Grace promised to send more money to help pay the medical bills and the maintenance pills her mother needed to stay alive.
Then COVID-19 struck. More and more patients were coming to the hospitals suffering from lung infections that required ventilators. There was no known remedy for this virus. As a result, so many died especially those with pre-existing conditions.
The ER got busy in St. Michael’s Hospital. All the medical personnel were working double shift. The hospital’s supply of the personal protective equipment (PPE) was running short. The medical staff was urged to use their PPE five times. That made them vulnerable to the virus. Grace got infected. She went home and quarantined herself. She phoned her family in the Philippines to make sure they were okay but didn’t inform them she contracted the deadly virus. She didn’t want them to panic and be extremely concerned about money.
Then she got worst. She knew that the hospital shouldn’t be the place to be with her condition as she might infect more people. But because she lived alone, she couldn’t ask her friends to come over and help her. After twenty days, the hospital had not heard from Grace. A concerned colleague went to Grace’s apartment to check on her. She found Grace in her bedroom, alone and dead.
Across the ocean, Grace’s family in the Philippines was once again together because of the COVID-19 lockdown. They were not very worried of their financial situation. After all, they always had Grace and her monthly remittances, unaware of the looming poverty and suffering for all of them in the days ahead.