Now that your kids are older, four inches taller, and five times more assertive than previous years, you finally realize that your kids are not kids anymore.
In fact as preteens and teens, they’re somewhat different.
Now, they are reluctant to go with you during your weekly visits to the family cabin. Now, they prefer to have as many sleepovers with friends. Now, they feel ashamed to buy stuffs with you at Wal-Mart. Now, they make thousand of texts in a day without you knowing how they can do it.
How many times have you been warned by your friends that at some point, parenting is not as smooth and as easy as what some people want you to believe?
“Wait till your child becomes a teenager. By then you’ll know what I mean.”
I’ve heard this line many times from some frustrated, desperate parents and I empathize with them. But instead of feeling apprehensive, I’ve prepared and planned for it like a warrior going to war.
A few years ago, my wife and I established three practical ways in dealing with one of the most challenging phases of parenting. Despite occasional hassles in implementing them, raising four kids (two preteens and two teens) with proven strategies has made the whole process easier.
What are these three strategies?
Be open
Open communication in your household should become a ritual. Let honesty and candidness reign as you talk about any issue. Show that you care by actively listening to their topics of choice. Let them feel comfortable in opening their soul with you. Also as parents, be proactive and discuss topics that you feel as important in their development. Such topics include time management, study skills, dealing with strangers, online security, budgeting, and success principles, among other life skills.
Since a few years ago, my family has conducted weekly “family leadership training” for my kids. During this time, we explore and dissect many helpful ideas within an open, accepting, loving, and warm atmosphere. All their ideas are considered important. You may find it intense but this is how we have shared many practical and even philosophical thoughts.
In today’s complex world, kids should learn as much skills, ideas, and principles as possible.
Set limits
One of the elders in the community once told me, “A child without boundaries brings burden and shame to the family.”
True. Most kids who have no focus, self-discipline, control, and sense of direction have been raised with no limits. In these households, they can do anything they want. They get mad, throw tantrums, and destroy furniture if they don’t get what they desire. They sleep overnight among strangers without asking parents’ permission. They play video games, watch TV, and surf online as if there’s no tomorrow. In short, they show disrespect anywhere they go and whatever they do.
If you care for your kids, you have to set firm limits and carve house rules. Give them unconditional love and respect but you have to demand love and respect in return. Let them know what you accept and show them exactly what you don’t tolerate.
Reward good behavior
When your kids do remarkable things, reward them with appreciation or with small, inexpensive gifts. You don’t need to buy costly toys such as ATV or the latest Wii. They simply want to be acknowledged for what they’ve accomplished. A smile, a hug, a pat in the back, or a simple praise will go a long way. At other times, a family picnic or a day trip to a nearby city may be a fitting, unexpected prize for a job well done.
It’s important to recognize your kids’ accomplishments, though how little or unimportant they may seem to you. Kids feel proud for what they do well and want their parents to know their worth as unique individuals.
Through sincere, encouraging gestures, your kids feel important and develop healthy self-esteem and confidence.
I’ve been a parent of two preteens and two teens. Despite some stresses I’ve faced along the way, these three practical ways have made my parenting journey as enjoyable and exciting as possible.