Bullying has been a frequent topic lately in the media. There had been reports of teens who committed suicide because they could not cope with the pain brought about by bullying. It appeared that a common reason for bullying is sexual orientation of the victim. Unsavoury remarks and names are given to gay teens. Another basis for bullying is isolation. Students that are new to a school often become the butt of hurting remarks especially if the victim speaks with an accent or cannot speak in English.
Bullying has existed for a long time. It has happened in the school grounds during recess time. Most of the time it has consisted of unkind remark, physical and verbal aggression, individually or in groups. It has happened n the school cafeteria or in the library or even I the hallways.
Sometimes bullying is in the forms of threats or mockeries. These incidents have often been reported to the principal’s office and the culprits have been punished by warnings, suspension and ultimately refusal of school authorities to accept the bully in school.
In recent years, bullying has become worse. It has extended to cyberspace with the victims feeling very helpless. The mockery has been more widespread through available internet sources. Government as well as non-government agencies have become deeply concerned. Organizations outside the schools have taken steps to curb this bullying. Televised group discussions that include counselling professional and other experts have been held. Talk shows have tackled the issue as well. Large student groups held rallies in stadiums to express their very serious concerns and suggestions have been made on how to curb this disagreeable practice.
In all of these concerns and actions, the focus of attention has been the protection of the victims. The promotion of equality in the sexes and more kindness and hospitality for new students have been given extra promotion. Very little attention has been given to a study of the perpetrators of bullying.
Who are the bullies? Why do they engage in this despicable act? What are the psychological motivations that push these people to bully?
Bullying takes place not only with young people but also with adults. Most of the time the bullied adults do not reveal that they are being victimized because of shame. It looks like a sign of weakness to complain. Sometimes cases are brought to court in the form of slander, libel or blackmailing.
It is imperative that some kind of study be made regarding the motivations that produce bullies. Most of child bullies are very angry young people who are using bullying as an outlet for their frustrations. They may have very controlling parents that do not allow their children to express their feelings with satisfaction. They may have been subject to verbal and physical as well as emotional abuse.
Some of the bullies may come from homes with domestic abuse. They hear unkind words from their parents and witness physical assaults. If these forms of domestic violence happen often, the children regard them as normal and imitate them with other people.
Some studies have revealed that make children from homes with domestic abuse tend to be aggressive and violent, while female children tend to be meek, daydreamers and accepting when abused. Like father, like son; like mother, like daughter.
Bullying is a form of power that produces satisfaction for the perpetrator, when successful. It can be used as a form of pressures to force the victim to give in to the wishes of the bully, or give something that the victim treasures to the culprit.
It is sad that there are members of the community that consider being gay or lesbian as a weakness that they can capitalize on, to put certain people down. Even in some families wherein a member happens to be gay or lesbian, rejection occurs, sometimes due to some religious beliefs.
Parents of children or youth who are bullies should be aware if the causes of this misbehaviour are in the home. Domestic violence and other forms of abuse can have tremendous effect on the development of children and youth. Many cases of juvenile delinquency like petty thefts, drugs and alcohol addition, gangland warfare and destruction of property are often the effects of domestic abuse.
Among females the tendency to become bossy can be an outcome of domestic abuse. There are young females who lost their enjoyment of childhood because they acted as mothers in their own families when the real mothers were incapacitated by domestic abuse. They were forced to take care of the younger members of the family, make adult decisions, and control misbehaviour of siblings and other adult chores.
Bullies in a young age can develop into adult bullies. The “Neighbours, Friends and Family Project in Preventing Domestic Abuse, a government activity hosted by Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic is holding information sessions and a group discussions in the community to raise awareness on issues about abuse against women. Bullying is one of the issues that can be included in this project. Let us look at the bully as an individual with a problem; not the problem himself. Let us look beyond bullying to find the root cause of the problem.
If you have a child who appears to be a bully, do not hesitate to help him overcome this negative behaviour. Seek assistance from social service agencies for counselling and other possible means of making your child refrain from bullying. Suspensions and other punitive steps may not be the answer to the problem. Cooperative effort in the community may be more effective.