Many parents have asked me on how to discipline a child and how to show tough love. They seem so conflicted about the idea that parents who love their kids should be in control and be tough.
In fact one mother believes that tough love doesn’t even exist, that’s it’s just a philosophical concept worthy to be thrown around during debates or worthless discussions.
But tough love is real. And if carried out properly and given judiciously, it’s quite effective.
What’s tough love?
Tough love is a love with respect, a love that honors limits and boundaries, a love that is devoid of indulgence.
Tough love doesn’t give in to temper tantrums, unnecessary demands, and empty threats. It ignores guilt and yet it enforces responsibility as a driving force. It uses anger creatively and positively. Tough love doesn’t surrender to emotional, mental, verbal, and physical abuse and resists desperate attempts of mind control and manipulation.
Tough love is disciplined and patient. Moreover, tough love is caring, warm, and responsive. Tough love doesn’t need to be scared, angry, cold, and insensitive.
When parents show tough love and give it life, a child unavoidably blooms. Without it, they can easily be swayed by shallow emotions and nonsensical reasoning. Without it, they’ll be tempted in defending or justifying their child’s inappropriate or unacceptable behavior.
How often should you show tough love?
For most parents, as often as you need to.
As parents, your major task is to help your child learn responsibility and see the consequences of his or her behavior. As long as you love your child, you should show tough love.
Tough love is for every child; it’s not only for troubled or undisciplined child or for a child with uncontrollable behavior. As you know, any child can test your limits and patience.
But your tough love should be tailored to your child’s behavior. As parents, it’s your mission to know the amount of tough love you should show each day.
Can you reconcile positive parenting and tough love?
Absolutely! Positive parenting needs tough love to deliver positive results. Through tough love, you can teach your child responsibility and the real worth of discipline and self-control. Through tough love, you can help your child value real love and respect.
Are loving parents indulgent?
Some loving parents can be indulgent and give their child expensive, unnecessary toys and gifts. It doesn’t mean that this is the right way to show unconditional love; this only proves that some parents think that indulgence is the only way to show love.
But deep, true love can’t be bought!
I think overindulgence is a surefire way to a child’s stagnation and boredom. In some families, excess even leads to behavioral problems. Tough love is still the better choice as it doesn’t spoil anyone.
In summary, tough love may be hard and may seem thoughtless in the short-term. But long-term rewards are its supreme advantage, and strong character is its true gift.