Mothers of the 21st Century

A friend of mine was complaining. She has been baby-sitting her two grandchildren since they were born. “I feel very upset,” she said. “I have worked very hard in taking care of my grandchildren and I don’t seem to satisfy my daughter. She always tells me that some of the things I do are wrong. She gives me a list of things to be done every day and checks me if they were done. I told her “I do not need this list; I brought you up, singlehanded, and look at you! I did not do a bad job.”
This is a mother talking who came to Canada in the late sixties and was with a baby in the seventies. She was a working mother who had a baby-sitter during her office hours. Early in the morning, she would pack her baby’s things and take her to the baby-sitter in the same apartment, on her way to work. In the evening, she would get her baby, take her home and prepare supper. After eating, she would bathe her baby and play with her until she fell asleep.
On weekends, she would take the baby to the park or visit friends who also had babies. As the child grew older, the mother took her to various areas of interest – playing the piano, dancing, sports, swimming, children’s parties and other countless activities for children,.
The girl grew up to be a fine young lady who finished university and was gainfully employed. She got married and had her own children, and her own home. This is a mother who grew up together with the speedy developments in media and technology. The eighties, nineties and the first decade of the 21st century, have witnessed the unprecedented information explosion through cyberspace. Researches in child psychology and development were disseminated not only through newspapers, magazines, journals and television but also the internet, through websites like “Facebook”, “Twitter”, YouTube and countless other means. The topics range from prenatal care to effects of alcohol and other drugs to rearing like putting the baby to sleep, feeding, carrying, car seats, toilet-training, discipline, kinds of clothing to wear for every occasion and medical attention needed like all kinds of vaccination.
Young mothers these days prefer to have a midwife take care of them during the pre-natal period and to deliver the baby. Most of them still have the baby in the hospital where a doctor is available if there are complications. Some mothers prefer to have their babies at home. Midwives these days are highly trained and almost all of them are women who are very caring and have that personal bedside manner. Mothers prefer the intimate touch of another woman during their pregnancy and delivery. Health authorities have certified midwives as qualified to deliver babies. The enormous amount of information available in this topic has convinced many prospective mothers to have a midwife rather than a doctor deliver their babies.
It is very common especially among young couples to have some alcohol, usually wine or beer with their dinner. Researches in the latter part of the 20th century revealed that taking alcohol when pregnant may cause the fetus to acquire what is now known as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This is an incurable condition wherein the child exhibits very disturbing misbehaviour and inability to learn as compared to other children who do not have this abnormality. Most women are now very careful that they do not take alcohol when they are pregnant.
Child upbringing in North America is quite different from what have been the traditions in most Asian countries. In the Philippines as those who were brought up in that country would recall, obedience to and respect for elders are emphasized. Even up to this date Filipinos consider those two traits as parts of the heritage of their country. Part of that respect is the kissing of the hands of elders when they meet. Offsprings are not supposed to argue with their parents or even with older siblings. That is considered disrespectful. I remember when I was a child and my mother would tell me to stay put at a certain place I would be there when se came back Can you imagine giving the same command to a child brought up in North America?
Children brought up in Canada usually follow a schedule of eating and sleeping. Their food should contain all the nutrients their bodies need. Children below three years old must have a nap in the morning and in the afternoon. They should be in bed at seven or eight o’clock. All these things are being told by the midwife, nurse or doctor that mother and child periodically visit and they are also available in the internet.
I do not remember having all those details about child-upbringing in the Philippines. Babies got their bottles or were breast-fed when they cried. They slept when they were tired. Older siblings looked after the younger ones. If the extended family members lived in the same house (and this is common) grandparents, aunts and uncles share in the baby-sitting. I remember that when I was already teaching, neighbours left their babies and toddlers with my mother (no payment). They ate whatever food we had in our house. Babies took canned milk diluted with water.
I do not remember any discussion about the difficulties of securing baby-sitting. The average number of children in families was four to six. In my family there were eight children. When my sisters started to have their own children they ran to my mother not only for baby-sitting but also when their babies were sick. They respected and made use of my mother’s experience in child-upbringing.
The daughter of my friend who is the mother of the children, she babysits, was born and grew up in Canada. She was brought up by a mother who grew up in the Philippines at a time when technology was not as well-developed as it is now. I have been away from my country of birth for almost four decades. Culture and traditions change. Television and internet are powerful carriers of change. But there are some aspects of Filipino culture that I know have remained intact. One of them is the concept of extended family ties. This tradition has a great influence in child upbringing.
Schools in Canada emphasize freedom and encourage learners to assert their rights. Isn’t it then surprising that our children reason out and insist on what they believe is right, which may not agree with their parents’ points of views?
This grandmother taking care of her grandchildren is a highly educated lady but brought up in a different culture and time. Is it surprising that she and her daughter are strangers to each other as far as child-rearing is concerned? There is however, one thing that brings them all together – mother, daughter and grandchildren, and that is love. Love unites them in spite of all the changes in culture and technology.