“The truth is that where you stand does affect what you see.”
William Kaplan, Why Dissent Matters (2017)
Rosario and I were inseparable when we were in high school. We did things together during our classes. We were seated side by side in the classroom, studied together and had lunch together to update ourselves with the latest gossips. But our number one topic was always Antonio. We talked about the way he combed his hair, dressed and walked. We giggled a lot when we saw his shorts and hairy legs while playing basketball. Antonio might have noticed our behaviour. But the strange thing was he never acknowledged us nor smiled at us when he saw us staring at him. So be it. Rosario and I were having fun at his expense.
I was the brainy one. When I was not with Rosario I spent most of my time studying. Nobody had to push me; I was well-motivated to learn. By the time we graduated from high school I was given the distinction of class valedictorian for having obtained an average grade of 99%. That’s why I didn’t have any difficulty being accepted to pursue a degree in science at the University of the Philippines in Diliman.
Rosario was the religious one. She loved the Blessed Virgin Mary so much and prayed the rosary daily. So her name fitted perfectly. However, she was not conservative by any means when it came to her looks. She put a lot time to look glamorous when she went out of her house. She always got the double look from men when walking down the street. She was just an average student. Thus she ended up staying in our town to finish her college education.
We still connected every time I came home for a semester break. We still talked about Antonio. He was studying for a business degree and being groomed to take over the family business. He remained in our town as well for that reason. Rosario saw him all the time; they ended up becoming solid friends. I couldn’t care less.
When I received my undergraduate degree as a summa cum laude, I continued my studies pursuing medicine. I got so busy and never had the chance to visit our town. I lost track of Rosario. I became a doctor and worked for two years in a city hospital. When my immigration papers to Canada got approved, I jumped at the opportunity to live in a better country.
Canada did not recognize my medical degree. There were some academic courses I got credited; otherwise I was back as a university student. It took me seven years to get my medical license, but I was satisfied with my achievements. I set up a clinic in Mississauga due to its large Filipino community. I was in my clinic exclusively in the morning; then worked in the hospital either in the afternoon or evening.
I was paid handsomely for my long hours of work. I bought a huge two-storey single house in suburban Mississauga, near a park. My only companions were Max and Parker – my two lovable Labrador dogs. I never felt lonely because of them. Their warm welcome when I got home made me smile always. I also got to travel a lot and see so many places. I learned many things and spoke several languages. I visited Rome a few times and saw the inside of the Vatican Church. I attended several masses officiated by the Pope.
Not to brag so much but I could afford to buy tickets for musical concerts, either classical or contemporary. I had seen a lot of Broadway shows in New York or elsewhere. Mostly they were perks as a conference attendee but I purchased a few out of my own pocket.
I finally learned how to use Facebook and got reconnected with Rosario. I learned that Rosario and Antonio got married and had two grown boys. Their house looked luxurious. While I did all the household chores, Rosario had no need to dirty her hands. She had katulong for every chore: one to clean the house, another to do the grocery and cook meals, then somebody else to do the laundry. She might have a nanny when her kids were still babies. She’s also being driven around by her own personal driver.
When I spied on how many friends Rosario had, I was inundated with hundreds of names. She must be very popular, or perhaps it was because of Antonio. If pictures were worth a thousand words, her picture albums said a lot. She organized them into children, parties and travels. Not to be outdone, I started posting pictures as well. Since most users of Facebook were flaunting anything for friends and nosy onlookers to admire, why not join the crowd?
Still I couldn’t help but be envious, especially Rosario’s beautiful family, a life I would never have the chance to experience. Did I make a mistake of leaving the Philippines for what I thought to be a greener pasture in Canada?
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Antonio and I were high school sweethearts. We were very discreet in hiding our relationship so as not to offend Christina who also had a crush on him. So we were acting in front of her as if we were indifferent to one another. When Christina left for Manila to pursue her educational ambition, we were relieved and happy. Now we could be open with our love. We got married as soon as Antonio settled down to take over the family business. I stayed home to raise our kids with the help of a nanny. There wasn’t much for me to do since we had several katulong to take care of everything. I learned to play mah-jong just to kill time. When I wasn’t gambling I spent most of my time on Facebook and Messenger. Antonio and I had lots of friends because of our involvement with the Couples for Christ movement.
Out of the blue I got a friend request from Christina on Facebook. I confirmed it immediately and got reconnected with her once again. It’s been a long time and I hoped she wouldn’t be shocked that much upon knowing the Antonio and I were married. I never brought up the subject with her. She could figure it out from the pictures.
I never doubted that Christina would become a doctor. She was very committed to have a professional career. I would never know how gratifying it would be to work for a living, as well as a world-wide traveller. Whenever I texted her in Messenger, Christina was always responding that she’s on her way to important meetings or to conferences all over the world.
I should be more appreciative with my comfortable existence, but life without pain sometimes had no gain. Christina made a lot of sacrifices and now she turned into a very sophisticated person – strong, independent and well-informed citizen of the world! She’s a model of a life fulfilled. I would never beat that unless I experienced more of the world. But I never travelled outside the Philippines. I saw, of course, all the beautiful and scenic places the country had to offer. But in her Facebook postings, Christina had photo albums of her trips to Europe, United States and Mexico. I liked so much her Mediterranean and Caribbean cruises. Her river cruises in Croatia and Hungary were quite a delight. How could you beat roaming around the well-known cities like Rome, Paris, London, Madrid, Lisbon, and Berlin? And to learn how to ski and do it in the Swiss Alps, that must be so incredible. So a local versus a global landscape, it’s a pale comparison all right.
Aside from the travelling, she was showing off all the exquisite meals while she dined in the places she visited. Pawine-wine, champagne at cocktails pa siya. What a culinary experience that must be, while all I could enjoy was the spicy and greasy Asian cooking. It’s not really that bad, still my taste bud longed for the gourmet and classy and dainty.
Was I to have more ambition I might have given myself the chance to go abroad, too? What might my life be if I were to immigrate just like Christina? I could have married a white guy and have children with blue or green eyes, prominent noses, blond hair, and white-freckled skin. I also might have lost my Filipino accent or my Taglish way of speaking. And to think of the freedom and responsibility to be on my own; the growth potential could be endless.
I felt jealous of what Christina had become. I should have never succumbed to my youthful exuberance for love and romance. I limited my option too early. Now all I could think about was that the greener pasture on the other side seemed to look better than where I stood.
20 May 2021