CHICAGO (JGL) – When someone immigrates to the United States from a Third World country like the Philippines, his or her aspirations are usually set on default – to find a greener pasture in pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.
But in the case of my niece, Anna Melisa “Honey” L. Lasala, who came to the U.S. at the age of 16 together with her big brother, Denise “Dhenz” L. Lasala, and their Mom, Victoria “Vicky” L. Lasala, when their family visas became available in 1993, Honey and Dhenz put their bright future on hold when they did not pursue their college education after graduating from high school.
I don’t know what are in the back of their minds. Their Mom, when she was still alive, their aunts and their uncles and their cousins were reminding them to go to college if they wanted to succeed in America. But they never listened.
They were happy to find odd jobs that pay a minimum income barely letting them scrape by.
Unlike the DREAMers, who have to stay in the shadows for fear of deportation and for lack of work permits, my niece and nephew have Green Cards, which could let them apply for student loan or join the military as they are able-bodied. Their Green Cards are their ticket to find their American Dream. But they never take advantage of their options.
Even if they were raised by a single Mom when their Dad, an overseas Filipino worker in Angola, had refused to join them as part of their family visa, Honey and Dhenz could no longer blame their Mom and their Dad for not constantly reminding them to go to college.
When one reaches the “driving age” of 16, he or she can already take care of himself independently because they already know what is right and what is wrong.
In fact, if you ask the Jesuits, if you let a child attend catechism, a Catholic early education, at the age of seven, the child can already tell what is right from wrong.
If they did not want to listen to their relatives, who have been egging them to enroll in college, all they have to do is to look around and see people going to work everyday.
If they see their neighbors or peers working, they can easily tell that these workers must have attended college education to get good jobs. Otherwise, these workers will be taking odd jobs that they are doing.
HARD WORK TRIGGERS HEART ATTACK
The success of their neighbors should be enough motivation for them to advance their education.
Last Dec. 27, Dhenz called his relatives to break the grim news that his little sister, Honey, without warning or premonition, suffered a heart attack and never regained consciousness.
When I asked Dhenz what could have triggered the heart attack, he told me, “lagi lang kasi kaming pagod sa work.” (We are always tired of working.)
If the difficulty and stress of manual labor could have triggered the heart attack for Honey, then, Dhenz could suffer the same fate because they have the same genes and they have the same type of odd jobs as their profession.
At 37, Honey was gone too soon.
If Dhenz is a few years older than Honey, Dhenz must now be pushing 40. It is not yet too late for Dhenz to go back to school as a working student and learn additional skills that could give him more flexibility in landing better-paying job.
If he does not do so, Dhenz is like a fisherman who will die of thirst although he is in the middle of the lake or river that could easily quench his thirst!
Honey is survived by her father Ruben F. Lasala, Sr., (Gubat, Sorsogon) her brothers, Dr. Ruben L. Lasala, Jr. (San Pedro, Laguna) and Dhenz L. Lasala (Fort Worth, Texas), her only sister, Ruby L. Mercado-Azucena (Roberto) (San Pedro, Laguna), and two nieces, Regine May Mercado and Ruth Daryl Mercado (John Dennis de Jesus), and three nephews, Rex Brandon Mercado, Robert Jasper Azucena and Robert Russel Azucena and grandnephew, Rikimaru Dennis de Jesus.
Honey may not have found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in America, where she outed herself as a man trapped in a woman’s body. But I think Honey died happy because she found a pot of love from Angela Udtohan, her milk and honey, in America. Besides, despite the short notice, her three cousins – US Air Force Officer Ronnie L. Rey (from Panama city, Florida) and wife, Contessa, and their children, Angel, Ashley and Aeden and Ronnie’s little sister, Dorothy Joy R. Estrada (from Chicago, Illinois) and U.S. Navy Officer Nino L. Villamor (from Norfolk, Virginia)– were able to console Dhenz and Angela in their hour of grief during the funeral wake of Baumgardner Funeral Homes, 3704 Highway 377 South Forth Worth Texas 76116 last Saturday (Jan. 3).
LONG-DISTANCE FUNERAL VIEWING
Thanks to Facebook, some of the relatives of Honey in the Philippines and in the U.S. were able to view the funeral services in real time as Honey’s cousins took video footages and instantly posted the ceremonies on Facebook, making it possible for their relatives to follow the prayer services and highlight (http://tinyurl.com/p6w8fvh) Honey’s wishes, like her fondness for Superman, and for one of her favorite songs, Because You Loved Me (Love Theme from “Up Close And Personal”.
Honey’s sudden death, however, created some controversy for the loved ones she left behind. A tomboy, Honey intimated to her significant other, Angela, that if Honey died, she wanted two things to happen: 1) she did not want to be cremated and 2) she would like to be buried beside her Mom at the Catholic cemetery in Chicago, Illinois.
Fortunately or unfortunately, Honey could not have it all.
Since she did not buy burial plan, Honey’s remains could not be transported from Fort Worth, Texas to Chicago because of the expensive transportation cost. But even if Honey were able to buy burial plan, she did not find out in advance from the cemetery where her Mom is buried if it was possible that she could be buried beside her.
It turned out there was no way she could be buried beside her Mom because where her Mom is buried, the cemetery does not provide an above-ground or multiple-level burial but merely an underground burial. So, the better option is to cremate her (because it is cheaper) and have the urn of her ashes be buried at the foot or beside her Mom. The ashes cannot be placed in two urns either, as some of Honey’s relatives in the Philippines had suggested, so one urn can be taken to the Philippines, because this was not part of Honey’s wishes.
Her relatives could only fulfill one of her two wishes – beside her Mom but she would have to be cremated because she did not inquire ahead of time if her uncremated remains can be buried beside her Mom.
For me, cremation is only an option if I die of such old age that funeral homes will no longer be interested to sell my body parts or organs without the consent of my relatives. And cremation should never be performed if I die with foul play or mysteriously. Why? Should there be a need for re-investigation, an uncremated buried remains can still be exhumed for re-examination to rule out or implicate foul play or mystery! Happy New Year! (lariosa_jos@sbcglobal.net)