Hukbong Katihan

By | January 15, 2023

Good thoughts, good vibes. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Midway through January 2023 pa lang, pero may bisa pa rin ang Yuletide hangover! Sige, enjoy pa!

Pasensiya na, ngunit nakikiisa ako sa mga naniniwala na ang diwa ng Pasko – pagmamahalan at pagpapahalaga sa isa’t-isa – ay nararapat na manatili sa isip at puso ng bawat nilalang at ng sanlibutan.

It is like basking under the sunny – sometimes rainy and snowy — shade of joy and gladness amid the messy reality and rock bottom blues that seem to be haunting people in an uncomforting universe. 

For me, ang Pasko pa rin ang nagpapatunay na may goodness, humility and kindness now and forever.

The Christmas message is food for my soul. I am grateful for the nourishment.

Am I to be begrudged for being so Christmassy?

Call it corny, ye bashers, unlikers at ang mga mahilig ngumuya ng popcorn sa couch o sa sine. Insist that Christmas is just a calendar date and a capitalistic venture. Sapsap at tuyo, it’s up to you!

Mabuti pa, let go of and dump all thoughts of resentment happening sa iyong paligid and elsewhere, and act when either helping or giving is needed. Hehehe, Hohoho or Huhuhu, it matters.

Humigit-kumulang 350 days to go, but it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

*****

Eons of Christmases ago, I gifted friends a work of art meant to quickly relieve an annoying health issue.

That Season’s nicely wrapped present was the “ang-inyong-abang-lingkod” back scratcher, which aesthetic artisanship had been gracing an ambulant but competitive open underpass economy in Quiapo, Manila.

(By the way, maiiwasan ang biyahe papuntang Quiapo at maiibsan ang kati ng likod kung ikakaskas ito sa gilid o kanto ng pader. However, mas madali kung magpapakamot ka sa friend mo, who looks like he or she is hesitating to do it or simply is not up to the task.)

Well, kalakip ng back scratcher ay listahan ng 25 likely achievable goals one can do with the foot-long piece of wood that possessed what looked like tiny bent fingers.

Hit the highway. Use the back scratcher your way, my way or no way.

  1. O, ‘di ba? Mas masarap magkamay at manghalukay sa salo-salo?
  2. Mainam na pananggal ng mainit na takip ng kaldero.
  3. Surely lock-out free ka kung may pangharang at pangkalso sa pinto.
  4. Extension nang maabot ang sinsilyo at kansunsilyo sa ilalim ng kama.
  5. Highlight sa gitna ng higanteng wood carving na kutsara at tinidor.
  6. Substitute sa ear swab, toothbrush o panungkit ng dumi sa tungki ng ilong? Bahala ka!
  7. Good for a bath. Mas magaan ito kaysa sa batong panghilod.
  8. Sa car washing, puwede. May angry nga lang if the car ay nagurlisan.
  9. Who said na gamitin itong pambatok sa mga pasaway?
  10. Tangkaing idiretso ang dalawang daliri. Presto! May peace o victory sign na.
  11. Panimpla ng kape.
  12. Daan-daan nito ang kailangan para sa dingding.
  13. Bat sa baseball, subalit iwasang gawing glove.
  14. Wisik-wisik ang style? Gawing panghilamos.
  15. Quest for knowledge begins with a book. On the same page ka kung ito ang bookmark.
  16. Panungkit ng cellphone sa empty swimming pool. Babain mo na lang kaya?

17. It is better to give than to receive. Namamalimos po.

18. No way to be a screwdriver, martilyo kaya?

19. Kung hindi kayang pang-swat ng langaw, pambugaw na lang.

20. Recyclable and reusable Christmas tree ornament.

21. Chopsticks ang tawag sa dalawa nito.

22. Itaas ang kamay. Pang-oath of office ng mga kasumpa-sumpang baluktot din ang utak.

23. Sakaling sumabak sa digmaan ang hukbong katihan, panghukay ng foxhole.

24. Can this get rid of the itch due to the “fruit of the sun?” Bungang araw daw.

25. Kay saklap ng kapalaran kung panggatong ang kahihinatnan.

Yun na! Ito’y pangkamot sa kati sa likod.

*****

The back scratcher, like so many other worthwhile things, offers a myriad of practical and pragmatic uses, much more than the singular purpose for which it was made.

Still thinking of adding more to the list, beyond what imagination desires to create and achieve?

As it is, the above back scratcher usage suggestions may seem weird, eerie, strange, hair raising, mind blowing, no-nonsense, ridiculous and out of this world. A few are sanely gross and some are quite hilarious for human, not humane, application.

Nothing intended, but a pal who got my gift called it by its acronym, BS. Instead of scratching my balding pate, I stuck to describing the magic stick the ever-reliable BS.

Have you ever tried using a selfie stick as a back scratcher?

Don’t! Not even as a head scratcher.

*****

Be careful what you wish for, buddy. Santa read an interesting e-mail from his fave helper. A photo was attached to the message “Dear Santa, please fix a perm for me.” Santa murmured “This is one in the long list of naughtiness that makes me feel very tired and frustrated. I may just have to go for a long well-deserved North Pole nap.” But before he could close his eyes, he jumped off the comfortable cushion of his rocking chair and chuckled “With more than 350 days to go, why not be nice? Okay, Santa’s Helper, you will get your perm … permanent wig.” 

*****

Having a blast with fireworks to welcome the New Year is believed to be a way to drive away bad spirits and rid the world of any and all ugly things. Ringing in a new year is a lot nicer.

Just asking: When bad spirits and ugly things fear loud bangs and cracks, should dirty and unscrupulous politicians and their self-serving friends and puppets be petrified too?

*****

Anyways, minutes after the loud and boisterous countdown, after resources were burned in colourful fashion and blown to the wind, after Auld Lang Syne was sung and after arms were raised and toasts for better times ahead are recited, everyone’s wistful intentions had begun to unfold.

Nangangalahati na tayo sa bagong taon, may pagbabago na bang nangyari – bukod sa nagsilobong utang sa credit card o kay kaibigang alahero na nagpapahulugan din ng kumot at pabango?

Whatever, patuloy ang life.

Katulad ng ever-reliable BS, life will definitely show us and lead us to a lot of choices and options.

Heeding the heart or mind or something else may result in life-changing decisions.

The call will still be ours to make.  

Minsan, sa tindi ng pangangailangan, lumalabas ang bukod tanging genius at resourcefulness ng tao. Wika nga: Make do kung ano ang meron; do without kung wala but improvise. Nakakita ka na ba ng refrigerator na ang laman ay tao sa gitna ng baha? 

Unfair so it appears, but there are no full guarantees and warranties for a better life. Such had been the case since time immemorial. Only the future can tell and ascertain itself.

Sometimes, we all just have to depend on memories, if we can still recall both good and bad ones.

We all just have to pick up from life’s lessons, if we even learned a thing or two.

Then, we just have to go with our present actions, if we even know that it is the right thing to do and if we even take ourselves to blame if things go awry and ugly.

Bang, boom, ratatat 2023! Harinawa, sumaiyo ang walang sawang biyaya’t patnubay ni Bathala.

*****

All’s well kung ang lahat ay balon. Be sound, triple the treble; be safe, never double the trouble; and keep healthier, get a back scratcher. #####