I often face questions from friends about people who complain a lot and how to deal with them. Somehow they sound exasperated and desperate when they pose their concerns.
But why?
I can’t blame them if they feel the way they do. Life in itself is complicated. Dealing with complainers just adds spice to the complexity of it all.
Who are the complainers? You know exactly who they are. They are the ones who call you past midnight, talking about the bad weather and how loud their spouses snore.
They are those who you meet in the grocery store. After saying “hi” to them, they grab the moment to lament about their miseries and worries, and how unfair the world is.
They talk about their family problems, deepening debt, marital distress, chaotic neighbors, dying communities, ungrateful friends, unfaithful spouses, and unloving relatives — in 10 minutes or less.
You know who they are because after only five seconds with them, you feel exhausted as if a ton of bricks is laid on your chest. You can hardly breathe. You even sense a dark, gloomy cloud hovering above your head each time you see them.
You know them well because you avoid crossing their paths as much as you can. You don’t even want to answer the door bell and you tremble when your cell phone rings. You know who they are because you feel guilty if you don’t pay attention.
Some of them look gorgeous and decent. They walk with an air of confidence and “integrity.” And yet you feel scared that you might face them again, say at Wal-Mart or Tim’s.
Complainers are those who grumble about an issue almost no end. And yet do little or nothing to solve it. Complainers are simply plain talkers, rumormongers with some tendency to massage facts so they can get more sympathy.
How about doers? Doers also complain and talk about trivial issues. They worry and feel distressed just like anyone. They carry the weight of financial troubles and marital distress and perhaps more.
In fact they also blend with difficult neighbors and live in imperfect communities. Like the complainers, they may endure nosy in-laws and infuriating friends. They have their share of burdens and miseries and worries.
Their spouses may suffer from worse medical conditions besides snoring and expanding waistline. Sometimes doers also talk more about their personal lives more than necessary.
But doers do things differently. They accept that there’s a problem. After which, they determine the cause of their miseries. In short, they look for the foundation of their predicament. And if they can’t find one, they still search for clues.
Soon enough, they seek resolution to the real issues and true causes. In fact, the more they explore for answers, the more they get involved, and the lesser they talk.
And when they unearth the suitable solutions, they act without delay and implement them. They don’t wait for signs from the heavens and have no patience to further analyze. They just become preoccupied with solving and acting that they simply ignore distractions.
Complainers and doers — they’re all around us. You can’t hide from them even if you want to. They are our neighbors, relatives, friends, co-workers, classmates, and families. You can find them anywhere. They can be US.