* a line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet
No, I am not going to bore you with any Shakespearean play. After Algebra, I recall it as the second on my high school pet peeve list.
All is not lost, as even the most dispassionate among us will find many popular Shakespearean lines divine. “To be or not to be, that is the question”—the most memorable quote from Hamlet. It stands out for its profound impact and is often quoted in various situations. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” (from *Gone With The Wind*) is another that has left its mark through the years.
So, where does “To thine own self be true” rank? How did your English Literature teacher explain this aphorism? As we reminisce together while reading this article, let us explore how this dictum pertains to our lives and how it could guide us into the future. Its meaning will become clear as we delve deeper into this narrative.
Five years ago, I wrote an article titled “Confessions of a Recovering Catholic” (in two parts). Here are some excerpts: “Like many in my generation, growing up in a highly spiritual community entails certain practices that become habitual—church attendance being one of them. Repetitive, predictable, and devoid of conscious reflection, the whole experience became an exercise in submission. The parochial school I attended was an extension of the church, where doctrine was taught as fact.”
“Critical thinking was never part of faith-based education. In retrospect, it was never a nurturing environment for a strong, independent, and thoughtful individual. The brain can become accustomed to being stifled. “The entire community and home life left no choice but to conform. It was my earliest experience of “groupthink.”
Emerging from a sectarian school (ten years, inclusive of an undergraduate degree), I found myself in a twilight zone, trying to discover who and what I stood for. I was meandering and still conforming, shaped by a fear-based childhood and the overwhelming presence of a homogeneous religious culture.
The intervening years were a blessing, liberating me from the cultural sinkholes of subservience and obedience. It was like lifting the omnipresent weight of my community and decades of religious conditioning. Twenty-five years of forging my own path, raising a family, adopting a different lifestyle, and ultimately reinventing myself granted me the freedom to be who I wanted to be. I became secular almost overnight; the words and practices that once clouded my judgment no longer intimidated me. For a long time, the church had left no room for ambiguity in my psyche—it’s a house of myth, superstition, and folklore.
Data from around the world confirmed what I had long known. I raised the issue of faith because I believe it lies at the heart of our values and morals, often driven by a sense of duty to conform to external pressures. Rather than being true to ourselves, we behaved out of fear of rejection and disconnection from prevailing beliefs. I have witnessed the devastating effects of behavioural control in individuals whose lives have been subjected to relentless social domination.
Ambiguity, a lack of self-confidence, and a negative self-image have given rise to a surge of indecisiveness, resulting in an insatiable need for approval and reassurance from family and community. An unquenchable desire to know how others live is prevalent. They are anxious about what people think of them, with a “what will others think” mindset dictating their decisions. Obedience and subordination are by-products of fear and paranoid exclusion, which can lead to psychological distress.
Our parenting style of the past could have an adverse effect on our children, who are growing up in an environment vastly different from how we (seniors) were raised. Some may be oblivious to the realities of today, while others are deeply entrenched in traditional ( Filipino ) parenting practices. An ambivalent child with little self-confidence, unable to be true to themselves, is potentially a disaster waiting to happen; a struggle they will carry through much of their lives until they can break free from this mental albatross.
The conditioning process has succeeded in the past because of the collective numbers that sustained it. Validation and nourishment from social circles continue to preserve many childhood fantasies, coupled with the lingering fear instilled by the padre during our formative years.
RELIGIOUS SWITCHING
PEW Research Center shows the prevalence of “religious switching,” indicating the adults who have left the religious group in which they were raised. The top three countries are South Korea (50%), Spain (40%), and Canada (38%). The U.S. stands at 28%, while the Philippines is at 4%. Christianity and Buddhism are the two top religions from which people are switching, with many no longer identifying with any religion. The research is based on nearly 80,000 people from 36 countries, conducted from July 17, 2023, to March 4, 2024.
Another study (Lifeway Research) reveals that for Catholics, 8.4 leave for every one gained, while for Protestants, 1.8 are lost for every one gained. The actual losses may be higher than inferred, as the number of practicing Christians has lapsed in the nominal category.
The growing number of individuals without a religious affiliation signifies a shift in the next generation’s relationship with spirituality. How many young people do you think are exploring the recent papal conclave on their smartphones? As more people identify as unaffiliated, they shed the fear of rejection and become liberated from others’ opinions. Some may even feel a sense of superiority as this trend reinforces their confidence. I envision a future where the emerging numbers challenge traditional beliefs. Even as a die-hard atheist, I am taken aback by a young person’s oblivion about the “Ten Commandments” — not just their specifics, but the very essence of the lore, even while attending a Catholic school! No shit!
SOCIAL SKILLS DEVELOPMENT
A lingering question emerges: What should we emphasize in this digital age? Is Shakespeare’s “To Thine Own Self Be True” still significant? Are our youth devoted to their own interests and their communities compared to previous generations? How crucial are societal expectations today? This poses a classic conundrum for both traditionalists and progressives. Ultimately, what will serve us best?
Each nation carries its distinct perspective on national interests. Japan’s approach to conformity and social harmony has contributed significantly to its success, whereas a diverse nation like Canada may adopt a different perspective. Switzerland and Denmark also hold their unique ideas. The common thread for many developing countries is a shared mission to reduce hunger and improve living standards.
Insights gleaned from Pew Research on religious switching reveal correlations with poverty, corruption, and lower life expectancy in societies that hold onto outdated values. Prosperous countries tend to experience higher levels of secularization, largely due to increased rates of religious switching. Older generations in developing regions remain steadfast in their traditional religious beliefs, which often hinder progress toward scientific and technological advancements.
The decline of conventional, often church-driven values has emboldened young people to resist conforming to community expectations. A global redefinition of standards transcends ethnicity, politics, and denomination, as young individuals remain loyal to their values and act in accordance with their true nature. Prioritizing personal interests has eclipsed the old communal model. Embracing one’s moral compass and acting with honesty and integrity diverges from community-inspired ideals.
TOP SIX REGRETS ON THE DEATHBED
As shared by Bonnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, in her book “Regrets of the Dying,” the number one regret is not living a life true to oneself: “Many people lament not having the courage to chase their dreams, opting instead for a life dictated by others’ expectations.” The subsequent five regrets stem from this core regret.
Here they are, as summarized from Ware’s book on Google:
- Working too hard: Regret over sacrificing time with loved ones and personal well-being for work, primarily in pursuit of financial stability.
- Expressing feelings: Regret often arises from the failure to convey true feelings, leading to resentment and a lack of authenticity in relationships.
- Staying in touch with friends: Many express sorrow over losing touch with friends and neglecting these vital connections over time.
- Letting oneself be happier: Individuals frequently regret not prioritizing their own happiness and getting caught up in patterns that block joy.
- Not speaking up: Regret is common among those who hesitate to voice their thoughts and feelings, resulting in unaddressed conflicts and unresolved issues.
True happiness blossoms from a life lived free of imposed constraints, empowering individuals to achieve their goals. Living without regrets begins with being true to oneself, and despite the trials and tribulations of life, it ultimately leads to not dwelling on the past.
As another Shakespearian quote reminds us: “All’s Well That Ends Well.”
Edwin de Leon, M.Ed., is the author of “Memories and Reflections”, a collection of articles he has written in BALITA and the PHILIPPINE DAILY INQUIRER.